Polygamy has its benefits: speaker
by Amy Pate

Polygamy, often conceived as favorable only for men, is more beneficial for women. Such was the viewpoint expressed by Aminah Assilmi, director of the International Union of Muslim Women, in an April 13 lecture, part of Islamic Awareness Week. Islamic Awareness Week, sponsored by the Muslim Student Association, is designed to raise awareness about sometimes controversial issues. Assilmi is well aware that her position on polygamy is a minority position in the United States. “A lot of people for a long time have thought polygamy was a rite of men,” she told the 60 or so audience members, with men asked to sit on one side of the room and women on the other.

Photo by Billy Kingsley Aminah Assilmi compared Islam to a geode, uninteresting at first glance but filled with beauty on closer inspection, in an April 14 lecture on “Polygamy in Islam.”

“It’s not that every man has a right to four wives; it’s that every wife has a right to a co-wife,” she said.

Islam allows men to marry up to four women. However, husbands must treat each wife equally and be able to support them financially, Assilmi said.

“If I was a man, I’d run from it. As a woman I see the benefits of it,” Assilmi said, maintaining that polygamy can lighten the workload of wives and mothers.

In the United States, women are expected to have careers, be good mothers and wives, and be active in the community.

“Everything we’re expected to do really requires more people. The need for polygamy does exist. It serves a viable social function,” she said. “It’s certainly to the benefit of women.”

Assilmi cited the U.S. census to provide one rationale for polygamy — that women of marriagable age outnumber men by several million. This leaves women with four choices: to deprive themselves of romantic relationships; to seek them with other women; to fight over men; or to share.

The first three are not acceptable solutions within the framework of Islam. That leaves sharing. “This is the Islamic concept,” Assilmi said.

“A marriage relationship is the only place to gain physical gratification, the only place that is not detrimental to society.”

Polygamy can also be the answer to child care dilemmas, she said. “It takes more than two people to raise a child. Polygamy is one of the answers to that situation, too.”

Assilmi, who was raised as a Southern Baptist and converted to Islam in her 20s, has not always been supportive of polygamy. She started writing a book about it 25 years ago “to prove that polygamy was detrimental to society. What I found out was that polygamy was great.”

Polygamy can be a burden on men, she noted. “Most men will tell you that it’s impossible to keep one wife happy, let alone four.”